Now we’re halfway through the semester, it’s time to reflect on how downhill my writing has gone.

At the start of the semester, I wanted to make weekly weak opinions on pedantic things in entertainment. More importantly, I wanted to write a humor column – pointless opinions I rudely play for laughs which do not change anyone’s lives. I think my editor let me write it just to vary the content of the Daily Egyptian’s print edition.

You’d think by naming it “You’re Dumb and Wrong” – originally named “Ur Dum ‘n Wrong” – readers would see it as childish and not take anything I write with merit. Facebook commenters look at the headlines and say they’re childish, then call me dumb and wrong right back, albeit with more explicit vocabulary.

I say “look at the headline” because at the DE, we look at traffic for every article, so either furious commenters are reading 1000 words per minute or skimming for 30 seconds then deciding I’m a moron.

To be fair, anyone who’s met me in person usually decides I’m a moron even faster.

While I’m at it digging my own social grave, let me clarify this point on “humor” – I do not mean sarcasm.  I believe the dumb opinions I write in this weekly column and even if you don’t find any of it funny, it’s still humor – the same way Twinkies are still cake and Elvis Presley was still an actor.

Since when did you have to agree with me to find anything I say funny? If you already disagree with me, and you can’t laugh with me, then why not laugh at me?

I figure anytime someone writes an opinion column, people who praise it are not enlightened. They are just validated someone shares the same opinion.

People who criticize it are also not enlightened, they’re just validated by how dumb the author is for their wrong opinion.

Isn’t that what any stalemate of debate boils down to? If nothing’s changing, it comes down to two groups in a room saying the other side has no idea what they’re talking about. Since I’m making a column which will not end up changing anyone’s mind, “You’re Dumb and Wrong” would be a perfect title.

However, people don’t take it as the title of a weekly series, but rather as an attack.

I didn’t expect this, because if I went to a movie called Screw You (2019 remake) I wouldn’t take it as the director insulting me. I would, however, think the movie probably sucks from the title, which most feedback I’ve gotten on my headlines reflects the same.

I welcome the vitriol I get for writing clearly combative columns. I deserve it. I’m making the internet equivalent of a “kick me” sign on my forehead.

Some readers probably wish I had a real-life counterpart, too.

I don’t write tame headlines because frankly, no one will read it. Everyone knows that. If you have a better way to get someone to read a humor column by a deadbeat senior with less social media presence than his own grandmother, let me know.

“This isn’t journalism. This isn’t avant-garde. This is neckbeard level of intellectual masturbation and ego-boosting.” — In all sincerity, my favorite Facebook comment.

I’d agree with everything this comment says if I could grow any facial hair.

Since this commenter wants journalism, I recommend the excellent reporting the Daily Egyptian puts on Facebook every day.

The Daily Egyptian isn’t just a place for hard news— it’s where students constantly make themselves look worse each week, stretching their brains with risque topics like hating on horoscopes, or this from 2003:

“Men are obsessed with oral sex. Getting it, that is and like all the good little Monica Lewinskis out there, women give it.”

If you truly despise this column and want it to crumble, you have every right. You can keep telling me how dumb and wrong I am for how much this comes off as “I’m sorry that you took it the wrong way.”

That’s not my goal with this week. I just wanted to rip into myself to show I do read the feedback we’ve gotten and I’m still working on how more people can laugh at this instead of getting frustrated looking at their phones.

Remember— every reaction or comment on Facebook or Twitter boosts the post. I recommend emailing me personally if you still want to tell me how disappointed you are in the DE, but don’t want to give me the attention. We can both agree many readers have a lot to say.

Editor’s note: The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the official policy or position of The Daily Egyptian, its staff or its associates. 

You’re Dumb and Wrong is a weekly column about video games, movies and popular entertainment from Arts & Entertainment editor Jeremy Brown. He can be reached at [email protected].

To stay up to date with all your southern Illinois news, follow the Daily Egyptian on Facebook and Twitter.

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