Women and their superhuman powers

By Tia Rinehart

We all dream of having super powers. Whether it be flying, teleporting, mind-reading or telekinesis, who wouldn’t want to possess some sort of out-of-this-world ability?

As I grow older, I realize women do in fact have immortal capabilities.

First: our superhero mask, providing beauty to pigs everywhere.


Women withstand A LOT of pressure when it comes to appearance. Why are we the ones who are required to paint our faces into something inhumane? It makes zero sense. If our eyelashes were supposed to have black goop on them, they probably would have been that way from the start.

Yet, I do it, as well as practically every girl on the planet because for some reason society does not like our natural faces. It’s just rude.

“Oh but you are pretty just the way you are.”

Well then why is it when women go out in public with a blank canvas we are either told it is unprofessional or “You look really tired today.”*insert eye-rolling emoji here*

No, I am not tired. That is my face.

The superpowers don’t stop here. Not only can we makeup our faces day after day for other people’s pleasure, but we also have hair. And unlike other humans, if we were to let our mane do its thing, people would run in terror.

Why though? Why are we expected to do fancy things with our hair in order to be respected?


Managing a socially acceptable appearance every day of our lives is work in and of itself. When you add in everything else, it’s evident we have a supernatural chromosome somewhere in our genetic makeup.

What other creature can experience a beat down from its own organs every single month and still take care of everyday responsibilities? But that is expected of women by society. There is no question when it comes to carrying on with everyday obligations without complaints.

But the most immortal ability we possess is the ability to transform into a monster. Women are beautiful, soft, compassionate beings who can instantaneously butcher your soul. For reasons we do not understand, a flood of emotions will come over us and we turn into a destroyer of all things. We can cry, scream, laugh, throw things and talk about how cute a puppy is, all at the same time.

Generally, others are in awe of the supernatural transformation. And we are too. We have no idea where these horrific emotions come from but when they are present, we own them.

It seems all women have a certain connection. If another girl has cute shoes, we may scream and point at them. If our song comes on, we may stop in our tracks just to drop it. A boyfriend cheated on you? Tell the first woman you see. She won’t hesitate to bring your spirits up by saying “You deserve so much better” or “Let’s cut him in his sleep” or “Do you want to go to Taco Bell?”

The last of our superpowers, involves balancing just about ANY aspect of life. In addition to maintaining our superhero suit, a monthly fight with our own body and shape-shifting into a monster, we also, at some point in our lives, carry a human in our bodies for nine months, go to school, work and do it all with a smile on our face.

We don’t know if we like having these superpowers. But we embrace them and act like we do anyways.

Girl Power. Yeah.

Tia Rinehart can be reached at [email protected]on Twitter @tiarinehart_DE, or 536-3311 ext. 254.