Things just goat serious


By Austin Miller, @AMiller_DE

You have goat to be kidding.

After a recent fad of simulator games, much different from “The Sims” or “Sim City,” every odd job or hobby has a usually low-budget game to pique interest. “Tea Party Simulator,” “Farming Simulator” and “Euro Truck Simulator,” are games where players can fulfill their fantasy of being a semi-truck driver through the European Union.

Even as absurd as those games are, they are made with serious intent. However, one game is seriously absurd and it smells like a petting zoo.


Have you ever wanted to be a goat? Have you ever wanted to stare blankly into a field and chew on grass? Do you even know what goats do for fun? If so, a game has finally been made for you.

If “Goat Simulator” has taught me anything, it is that goats are a lot more interesting than anyone could imagine. It turns out they do not just stand around in fields.

Specifically, goats can defy the laws of physics — the main fun of the game. “Goat Simulator” takes place in some God-forsaken city where goats can jump from skyscrapers and land without as much as a scrape. They just hit pavement like a bag of hammers and hop right up, with a blank stare without a care in the world.

“Goat Simulator” is more of a joke than a game, but it is so funny you cannot put the controller down. It does not try too hard to be funny, it just is. A goat is a naturally funny animal. We all knew they were trouble when they walked in.

Being able to run out in front a car, get hit and limply fly away is just hilarious. Or, players can make the goat head-butt a gas station pump, making the whole place blow up and creating a real goat-tastrophy.

There are no missions or objectives and no storyline to discover. Just a goat playing a symphony of destruction.


The men and women of Goatville just stand around and stare at goats wreaking havoc on their city. They make snide comments, questioning the animal presence, but may then be licked and carried around by the hairs on their chinny chin chins.

Think of the fairy tale “The Three Billy Goats Gruff.” Goats tell the troll not to eat them and to wait for a larger one. Instead of each goat increasing in size, it increases in ridiculousness. It is way funnier than your crappy show, Rob Dyrdek.

“Goat Simulator” knows it has glitches and flaws, but it has centered the gameplay around it. Many games have accidentally launched while broken in the last year, but this game did it on purpose.

The goat’s tongue will extend forever and bend around like the old Windows pipes screensaver. There are no glitches that break the game outright. Sure, a goat may get stuck in a wall or the ground every now and then, but it is just funny. It is still playable, unlike when “Halo: The Master Chief Collection” released in November. “Goat Simulator” wags a hoof at all of those issues.

Is “Goat Simulator” a game you need to rush out and spend $60 on? No, because it is only $10, and it will probably only hold your attention for a couple of days. But fringe titles like these should be rewarding when they can make something so fun out of an idea so stupid.

It is unfair to review this game similar to a major release. The money spent to make a “Call of Duty” or “Grand Theft Auto” forces a fire to be held to them. But when a small studio is able to put together a hit with limited resources, they should be complimented.

4 stars out of 5

Austin Miller can be reached at [email protected]