The other day while I was walking around Decatur proper, I happened upon a small card table overflowing with a variety of glass decanters of different sizes, shapes and colors. Attached to the right side of the table , by a piece of twine, was a plastic shot glass, and above the table was a sign which read, FREEDOM FROM RELIGION. My curiosity piqued, I approached close enough to read some of the following labels on the glass containers:Buddhism $6, Christianity $6 Judaism $40, Satanism 1 Soul, Atheism No Charge and Education $2.

Pick your poison sonny, a dry raspy voice whispered in my ear.

I turned immediately, expecting to fight for my life, but saw nothing. I glanced to my left and then to my right, but still nothing. Relaxing a bit I turned back around.

Advertisement

Pick your poison sonny.

Instinctively I lurched backward. My heart pounded as I stared wide eyed at the old crone who had appeared before me. her hair was a sparse patch of natty gray and she wore a faded black Harley Davidson T- shirt with a pair cut off jean shorts that looked like they had taken root.

What your fancy sweetie? her papery voice asked mockingly. Maybe a little Satanism? Only cost ya your soul? She waved the attached shot glass in my face and began cackling uncontrollably.

Wanting only to be rid of this evil shrew, I dug into my pocket and pulled out a handful of ones. Still frightened, I swallowed hard and grasped the first thing that came to mind, a shot of education… please.

Eagerly she hobbled over to the carafe that contained Education and carefully poured a portion of the murky contents. I was suddenly becoming aware of what I was about to do as the old crone hobbled toward me with full shot glass in hand. but before I could react she had grabbed my hair with lightning speed, jerked my head back and dumped the elixir down my throat. The liquid burned like fire as it made its way down.

Education ain’t what it used to be, the withered old woman said as she looked disapprovingly at the empty shot glass.

My whole face became enflamed; I tried to spit but my mouth was too dry. My mind reeled frantically as the earth came rushing toward me. I don’t know how long I lay on the ground, impervious to the outside world, but at some point a faint voice drifted toward me.

Advertisement*

Your faith in education has lead you astray.

I strained to see the source of this voice with my mind’s eye, but was met only by darkness.

What you strive for is nothing but a false hope, came the voice again in an increasingly ominous tone.

Thinking I was dead and being tested, I decided I had better play along. What do you mean education has lead me astray? What false hope do you speak of.

Do you actually believe, the voice asked, that if you work hard, go to class every day, read all the material given to you and receive good marks, you will succeed?

Well, yeah, I answered.

Wrong! The voice bellowed. The real world cares little for your accolades of education. To the employer you are just another face among the vying hundreds, whose qualifications are just as good if not better than yours. The job market shrinks, yet your ignorance grows. Throughout your educational life your parents and teachers have asked you what you want to become when you grow older; and throughout your educational life you have lived the deception that it was as easy as choosing to become a fireman or a doctor, and then passively absorbing the appropriate information. You sit in your classrooms fearing to raise your hand, fearing to cast the shadow of doubt on your blind faith. Your mind tosses and turns with questions yet you sit quietly leeching knowledge.

Your teaches are weary from trying to talk to expressionless masses who take notes out of habit instead of necessity. They run to their research and you , the paying student, wonders why you are not getting your money’s worth. Little do you realize that what you have bought is the opportunity to participate actively in education not a seat in a movie theater. You have failed to reciprocate interest, but still you bemoan your inferior position in life after four years of osmotic education.

Wait just a minute, I said. I have actively participated in my education. Look at my test scores, they prove it.

HA! the voice jeered. Your tests are the height of your educational fallacy. For weeks you sponge information, and then on the day of the test you vomit your brand of knowledge onto a piece of paper and pride yourself on your bulimic activity. Is this what you call actively participating in education? What good is your knowledge if you don’t know how to apply it elsewhere? And herein lies the misconception of your testing. Because your tests do not demand that you learn to apply your knowledge elsewhere, you are incapable of applying your own knowledge to yourself. Thus the two-fold aspect of education, gaining information about the world and gaining information about one’s self, is lost. Remain on your path and you will become nothing more than a characterless warehouse of information who will be of no use to anyone, especially to yourself.

The last few word echoed in my mind as I struggled to sit up. I could feel a large knot on the side of my head, and for some strange reason, as I slowly became aware of my surroundings, the air seemed crisper and the sun brighter.