Recently the Daily Egyptian ran a story concerning the protests of a community pastor, Dr. Jeff Scott. Scott, the pastor of University Baptist Church, was protesting a recent Hardee’s commercial that depicted a monk eating a Hardee’s Monster Burger. Apparently the monk found the burger so appetizing that he initially refused to share it with God. Eventually he did share the burger, but it didn’t matter at this point, as God found the burger too big to eat anyway. So, here we have a sandwich that is too big for the Creator of the universe, but we can purchase one and eat it any of the fine Hardee’s restaurants nearby. American advertising at its best.

I agree with Pastor Scott. I, too, found the commercial appalling. Not so much because I found it blasphemous, for I think God has more important things on his mind than the stupid human trick that is contemporary advertising. I find it appalling because the commercial is proof that we live in a society where the manipulators of the media are disturbingly out of sync with their mass audience. It almost seems as if the creators of this commercial are practically clueless as to what they are selling, and to whom they are attempting to sell it.

The ideology behind advertising is to persuade your potential customer to become your actual customer by purchasing your product. This isn’t rocket science. All you have to do is make them buy the damn burger. Considering the American love of red meat and coronary malfunction, this shouldn’t be a difficult feat.

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And that is why this commercial is so disturbing. You have, essentially, a no-brainer. You’re the proprietor of red meat. You’re selling the Monster Burger for Pete’s sake, a burger so huge, so magnificent in stature that the only way one can even begin to fathom its size is by comparing it to a physical monster (whatever that means). People will buy the Monster Burger with very little persuasion. All you really need to concentrate on is not offending anybody.

So, we get this commercial. I assume the advertising meeting went something like this:Hardee’s Guy:Tony, we’ve developed this Monster Burger, and we’re really excited about it. We have a suspicion that it’s really going to work out great for us. However, we need a catchy ad campaign. What do you have for us?

Tony, the Ad Guy:Well, Guy, considering the fact that some form of Christianity is the overwhelming religion of choice for our target audience, I say we poke fun at monks and belittle the Lord.

Hardee’s Guy:Tony, you’re a genius. This has all the markings of your Decrepit Bovine campaign of 95.

Tony, the Ad Guy:The one with the sick cows in the hospital?

So, that’s my spin on it. I don’t sincerely think that the advertising media is full of sinister jerks who are trying to covertly belittle anyone’s belief system. I’m just fairly confident that it’s full of moronic jerks who really have no grip on reality.

(Editor’s Note:Those of you perturbed by Mr. Robinson’s comments last week concerning his opinion on the validity of NASCAR and soccer as true American sports will be pleased to know that his opinion, along with a number of physical characteristics, were abruptly altered following his recent encounter with the newly formed NASCAR and Soccer Fan Coalition, SIUC Chapter.)

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