Despite the weather, it is in fact the middle of October. This can only mean a number of things.

1.) Wal-Mart looks like hell, literally.

2.) People in Atlanta are happy, and

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3.) The city of Carbondale is once again gearing up for its annual Whiny-Baby-Riot season, during which various University students display their lack of cognitive reasoning ability by breaking windows then later explain they had no choice in the matter, as they suffer at the hands of a Draconian, totalitarian police state in which their basic rights as college students are fundamentally nil.

Now, if you’re going to allow yourself to succumb to mass group hysterics and destroy other people’s property, at least have a good reason like you’re about to physically starve to death. The Carbondale riots never have pretended to be about anything more than spoiled, inebriated collegiate punks whining about a bar closing at a designated time.

These students also think riots can be fun. You get to break things and run from police, pretending they are the bad guys, when in fact they’re simply doing their job and would much rather be at home with their families instead of Macing your sorry butt onto the pavement.

The Carbondale riots never possessed a hint of respectability, but in years past the city’s reaction to the activity was somewhat extreme. However, things have changed.

Remember children, we’re living in a much more student-friendly environment. Does everyone recall how the bar-entry age was lowered from 21 to 19 this summer? Remember how the City Council forced the towing truck companies to set a price cap for their services? (They’re still in cahoots with the devil, but at least it’s a start). And don’t forget the First Cellular’s Main Street Pig Out, which was an admirable and successful collaboration of student and community cooperation. They even let us drink beer.

I’m not saying the problem has been solved. I personally feel that the students pump way too much money into the University and surrounding community for what they receive in return. But it is starting to go our way, and nothing can even begin to justify rioting in the coming months.

Go to the bars, take the Strip, yell at the top of your lungs and have a good time. We’re young, so we might as well enjoy ourselves just not at the expense of others. Numerous people, students included, have worked long and hard to create the environment we’re living in now. Don’t think it won’t go back to the way it was if bricks start flying and Mace has to be sprayed.

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Those of you who want to riot probably have no respect for the suggestions of a smart-ass college newspaper columnist, and I don’t blame you. But at least have enough respect for yourself and those you care about to stay calm on the weekends, and not resort to unnecessary violence for the sake of recapturing a lost party school image.

So when you’re on the Strip in the following weekends, remember these few things:1.) Those are police officers in those uniforms, not the enemy. More than that, they are dignified human beings who deserve our respect and cooperation. They aren’t dressed like that because they want you to riot. They’re dressed like that for their own protection. They aren’t Imperial Storm Troopers, and you aren’t Luke Skywalker (though you may be dressed as him at the time).

2.) Breaking glass is not an acceptable method of voicing one’s political opinion in a representative democracy such as ours. The past year has proven the system can work for students if students take the initiative and work the system.

3.) You aren’t starving. You do not live in an oppressive, hopeless social environment. Being drunk doesn’t give you the right to destroy other people’s property. No level of rioting can be justified, so don’t even try to do so.

OK, I’m done preaching. The moral of today’s sermon was Just say no to drunken rioting. And for those of you insulted by last week’s column about why men can’t commit (which I will assume would be the vast majority of the literate community), I just want you to know that I’m not a sexist jerk in real life, I just play one in the newspaper.