While most college students occasionally will complain about a stress-filled existence with little opportunity for leisure, the majority of students seem to possess an excessive amount of free time at least compared to the rest of humanity.

For example, current topics of concern among us are house parties and the concept of the Party Patrol. It is evident that we are preoccupied with entertaining ourselves. This is not necessarily a bad thing but after all, someday it won’t be socially acceptable to drink beer upside down.

Because I, too, am often preoccupied with leisure, I’m going to address one of our main concerns the admittedly admirable concept of the Party Patrol.

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The Party Patrol, comprised of student volunteers, is to act as a buffer between outlaw house party gangsters and the Carbondale Police, the forces of good. When a party is becoming too loud or in laymen’s terms, enjoyable the Party Patrol will be called in to ask the outlaws to quiet down. This supposedly will create a friendlier relationship between the police and the student body, because now the police will be able to say, We warned you little punks, if they have to bust up a party.

I thought about this concept long and hard (45 seconds) and I’ve decided that although it is well-intentioned, I’m not sure it will work. I’ve imagined a meeting between the Party Patrol and a house full of no-good thugs.

Party Patrol:It’s been brought to our attention that this party is getting a bit out of hand. Could you please turn things down a notch?

Party thug:Uh, no. I don’t believe so.

Maybe I’m being silly. Maybe the patrol would work. Still, I doubt it.

On the other hand, if we really want to stop these crazy kids from having fun of any kind, I have a better idea.

Have the Carbondale Police hire a couple of wiener college students for about $20 an evening. Send these narcs into a house party and have them buy a cup of whatever the party hosts are offering. Then the traitor will sneak away outside and like the rodent he is rat on the party by informing the police. Then, have the traitor go back into the party and stand next to the individual that sold him the cup. As the police bust the party, they know exactly who’s going to spend the evening in jail, and who will shortly be hundreds of dollars poorer.

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Now, I realize that plan sounds a bit harsh. Besides, where are you going to find students who will rat a fellow student out to police?

Not that I’m taking sides with the house party gangsters. These jerks are an insidious lot who prey on those too young to go to bars. But, I have a difficult time with how police are willing to use students to get other students in trouble. I also find it hard to believe that there actually are students willing to go along with this.