(Editor’s Note:This is the second in Mr. Robison’s Useless Advice series. The first installment, which ran in the Aug. 27 DE,, can be found on the DE homepage, www.dailyegyptian.com as if you give a damn).

November is here, which means a number of things.

1.) It is cold.

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2.) There aren’t enough shopping days left before Christmas.

3.) We’re heading into the busy period of the semester.

In essence this is crunch time. This is when the procrastinators of the world myself included begin to seriously consider glancing at our syllabi. Up to this point in the semester, we’ve done what was due on Tuesday morning Monday evening somewhere in between supper and Seinfeld. So far, this has worked. But this won’t cut it much longer.

It is now time to switch to Maximum Time Management Sequence, when every minute counts and you’re counting every minute. As a senior, I have 3 1/2 years of wit and wisdom to offer those willing to listen to my advice concerning time management. For those unwilling to listen, I have a middle finger.

1.) Do your grocery shopping at night.

A recent report (that I’m making up at this very moment) indicated the average American will spend roughly

10 years of his/her life waiting in line. And most of these lines will be populated by loud, stupid, homely people and their loud, stupid, homely children. They will hit their children and then explain that the child would no longer be hit if only the child would stop crying. The child, interestingly enough, will continue to cry thus be hit again. It is a vicious cycle that can only be stopped when you hit both of them hard enough to knock them out. Because this is illegal in most states, I suggest shopping after 10 p.m., when most long lines and potential felonies can be avoided. This also is the time when they put out the fresh canned soup.

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2.) Make up your sources for papers.

You don’t seriously think your professor has time to look through 100 different bibliographies with 20 to 30 sources each, do you? (Though I’m fairly confident that mine will be doing just that this time). When it comes time to cite your sources and you forget where you found a specific piece of information be creative! But also be careful. Citing too many periodicals with titles such as International Journal of Modern Journals and Society of Sociological Social Phenomena might not work.

3.) Housework be damned!

4.) Sleep isn’t particularly necessary.

Sure, we all like sleep. But, there’s something I know of that we like even more passing grades. The fact is, there exists a treasure trove of drugs that can help keep people awake. And a great many of them are even legal.

5.) Turn off the TV.

We all have our favorite shows that we enjoy watching, and I’m not suggesting we need to deny ourselves these simple pleasures. But for every half-hour of Seinfeld we watch, we’ll sit through another 1 1/2 hours of rabbit-crap programming simply because we’re too lazy to resist it. Cut out the mindless drivel and keep the shows that you actually look forward to watching.

6.) Rough Draft plus Spell Check plus Some Pitiful Proofreading equals the Final Draft You Turn in with Pride!

Hell I never rewrite anything. But I bet you can’t tell it by reading this column every Wednesday morning, can you? (Editor’s Note:Don’t answer that). If you don’t trust yourself to write what you mean the first time you try writing it, then you shouldn’t even be in college (I suggest becoming a politician, as they are consistently changing their minds).

And that pretty well sums up everything I know about the art that is Waiting Until the Last Moment to do Anything. It isn’t easy being a procrastinating jerk, but it happens to be one of the few things I’m good at so take my advice. And while you’re at it, you could also take a few tests for me, too.