Few people on this campus are aware of the growing problem of witchcraft in this country. I would like to make people aware of this problem, and hopefully motivate them to take action. I am tired of dealing with witches and their craft. The following is a statement of my case.

Most people think that the height of witchcraft was during the Salem witch trials, but this is not the case. The real peak of witch activity was during the Prohibition era. Witches would make brew in their cauldrons (more commonly known as stills). During this time, witches were tolerated for their brewing skills and willingness to break the law. However, after the end of Prohibition, people’s willingness to accept witchcraft waned.

Now that I have given a brief history of witches, I am going to suggest that witchcraft is on the rise, and this is not a good thing. The cost of witches to the economy is great. Allow me to give an example:Careless witches flying on their broomstick at night, oftentimes will become entangled in high-tension power lines. When this happens, it leads to increased electricity costs.

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Beyond the economic costs, numerous environmentalists have told me that witches are not ecologically sound. In fact, witches are the leading cause of blind newts and wingless bats. Compounded with that, when a witch melts because of contact with water, the resulting goo can cost millions of dollars to clean up and take thousands of years to break down into safe materials.

Witches are a personal inconvenience as well. I have been turned into a frog by members of Wicca several times. Finding a prince to kiss me and return me to human form has become an increasingly difficult and embarrassing task.

I am proposing that all of the citizens of this country come together in opposing witches. At no time in history has the extermination of witches been necessary or possible. With the aid of the new Intel Pentium II chip and the Internet, we can win this fight.