At this very moment, whether you are single or in a serious relationship, you are one. Sometimes you choose to be, other times you become one without warning. Few are kosher, and many are bitter. Either way, it is hard to put the past behind when you are an ex.

By Gus Bode

Being an ex is a daunting experience. Once, you were a part of giving life to a bright and hopeful relationship, but now it seems you are painfully attempting to shove it back up the birth canal. After the forceps and name-calling are put away, you try to quietly break free while keeping the good CDs and the spare key to the apartment.

You will wallow in your own self-pity and suddenly develop an addiction to “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and cookie dough ice cream. You will also develop a fear of leaving the house in chance you might see the ex while you are in recovery. There is also the thought that you push to the back of your mind that they have found someone new – a model, of sorts – and you may witness a blissful kiss. The same happy lips that once caressed yours. You will wish them cold sores.

But as life and love will have it, at your darkest moment and biggest mouthful of cookie dough, you will find someone new. This new love will be nothing like the old one. They fulfill you in every way. Suddenly, your ex seems harmless and tamed.


In all of your newfound lust, uh, love, you seem to have no hindsight. Your new love was once an ex, and they too have left a trail of past exes behind. This isn’t a huge problem, given your own dating history, unless their ex is a tanned and toned blonde that still makes house calls.

One of the most irritating scenarios in the dating world is of the “we’re still good friends” ex. This renders you helpless and agitated. Thoughts run rampant through your mind when you encounter the former lover.

You wonder how the sex was, how romantic they were, how intense the relationship was and how in love they were. And don’t forget the fear that they still sleep together. It is the undeniable idea that accompanies the “good friend” ex. Even when you are lying next to your new love, you can’t help but imagine the ex is under the bed waiting for you to brush your teeth so they can do some flossing of their own.

When meeting an ex, the new love instantly sizes them up. If they are more unfortunate looking than you, then you believe the new love is lucky to have you, yet you feel the new love strangely grouped the two of you on the same level. If they are better looking, then you feel constantly inadequate. Regardless, you feel at constant comparison.

There isn’t much you can do with the stick-around-ex except take the situation as a positive. As much as you would like to think the new love is forever, remember one day you will be back in the ex position. The fact that the new love has an in-flesh keepsake can mean a lot about his or her character and how he or she may hold you in the future.

I am not suggesting you become friends with the “good friend” ex. Not at all. Just keep in mind their position and feelings seeing the two of you together. And continue to make out constantly.

Do what you will with my advice, but don’t take it too much to heart. After all, I am the Single Guy.