Banter: Shaq refigured

By Gus Bode

ABC has a new television show called, ‘Shaq Vs.’ in which Shaq will play against athletes in their sports, including Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Phelps, Oscar De La Hoya, Albert Pujols, Serena Williams and others. Who would you like to see Shaq face?

Matt Freeland

‘I would like to see Shaq go up against Kimbo Slice in the UFC octagon. We all know that Kimbo is a great street fighter and we all know how abnormally large Shaq is.’ Put those two in the ring and we will see some heavy fists thrown.’ It would be funny watching Shaq reaching his arm out and holding his palm against Kimbo’s forehead while Kimbo hopelessly swings at Shaq’s chest.’ It would be like watching an older brother toy with his younger brother until, of course, Kimbo caught Shaq in the face.’


Sean McGahan

‘Shaq should take the goal against Brazilian attacking midfielder Ronaldinho. A crossover-into-scissor-kick should be enough to put Shaqtus on his backtus and out of the Cavs lineup for a while as the Bulls gain ground in the Eastern Conference.’

Jeff Engelhardt

‘I would like to see Shaq take on Usain Bolt in the 100-meter dash. Bolt would win by such a large margin that Shaq would be behind Bolt the whole time. Because Shaq would be well-acquainted with Bolt’s backside, it could be Bolt who asks Shaq ‘Tell me how my (rear end) tastes.’