THIS ONE WAS RATHER EASY TO SOLVE

Police in Orangeburg, S.C., arrested a man with 43 pounds of marijuana in the trunk of his car. The reason they searched his vehicle was that he had crashed it into a state trooper’s cruiser at 70 mph.

NOPE, HE DOESN’T LOOK FAMILIAR, OFFICER

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Police were called to a residence in San Jose, Calif., by a woman who said that she came home to find a naked man on her couch. The officer who filled out the report said, “The two did not appear to know each other.”

NEVER MIND SIR, WE’LL PUT IT OUT

A drug addict accidentally set fire to his Chandler, Ariz., apartment while cooking methamphetamine in a toaster. After failing to douse the flames with water, he drove to a local Wal-Mart to buy a fire extinguisher. When he returned, the fire department was already there. He was arrested.

NO PROBLEM, THEY’LL BE NONE THE WISER

A group of teenage boys in New Zealand snuck out of their high school to watch Boobs on Bikes, a procession of women, naked from the waist up, parading slowly through downtown Christchurch on motorcycles to promote a sex expo. They slipped back into school thinking they had gotten away with it. Alas, a picture of them in their school uniforms appeared on the front page of the newspaper the next day.

LOOKING FOR THIS?

A man burglarized a home in Titusville, Fla., but fled when he was confronted by a neighbor. When he realized he had left his cell phone behind, he went back to retrieve it. The cops had already found it and were waiting for him.

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GEE, CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THIS ONE

The citizens of the remote Icelandic town of Isafjoerdur will be holding an alternative beauty contest next month that challenges Western concepts of conventional beauty. One of the organizers says it is “ridiculous” to consider large breasts and shapely figures beautiful. This contest will celebrate wrinkles and saggy breasts. So far, five contestants have signed up.

FREEZE GRAMPS! YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!

A 7-year-old girl in Burnett, Wis., called 911 to report that her grandfather was cheating at cards.

SO I SAYS, `THIS IS A STICK-UP’

A heroin addict who held up a drug store in Belfast, Northern Ireland, with a samurai sword was caught because a police officer overheard him bragging about it only minutes after the robbery a short distance from the scene of the crime.

IT’S ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING, YOU LOUSY FLATFOOT

Somewhat miffed that she had to pay a parking fine, a Strafford, N.H., woman sent a note along with the money saying that she hoped the cops got the flu. She also put powder in the envelope, which the police didn’t like at all. The powder turned out to be muffin mix, and she told a court that she really didn’t mean to threaten anyone. Nonetheless, she was sentenced to 100 hours of community service for creating a false public alarm.