Like all stories centered around Abercrombie vampires and anorexic teens, there isn’t much to like about “Twilight.” Yet Stephenie Meyer was somehow able to make the impossible a very depressing reality.

“Breaking Dawn – Part 2” is the final installment in the “Twilight” adaptations and follows Edward and Bella as she is turned into a red-eyed vampire after she give birth to a half-vampire, half-human girl. The story takes a turn for the worse when the Volturi, a coven of royal vampires, is informed the couple have an immortal child, which is a crime punishable by death.

Please note this review contains SPOILERS, if you really care about keeping this movie secret. 

Advertisement

Austin Flynn: I have not read the books or seen any of the other movies, but the plot has been painfully explained to me by fans, so I’m speaking to anyone who might be interested to see them now. My advice: stay far away.

My expectations before seeing the movie were lower than the ground beneath my feet, but somehow it managed to burrow itself even further. Anything that could be wrong with a movie was wrong with this one. My first complaint was a CGI infant. At first, I didn’t think the vampires could look much hokier, but then Bella gave birth to a pixelated baby. The effects were terrible and it seemed completely unnecessary. The begging question was, “Why not just use a real baby to fit the role?” It was one of the many downfalls that brought me out of the experience completely.

Karsten Burgstahler: I’ve seen every “Twilight” movie, but I’ve never read the books. The series’ quality is a bit like a roller coaster — just when the movies start to become OK, they plummet toward awful. I didn’t even notice the infant was CGI, or maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention. Perhaps those effects would have been better used fixing up the first sequences of the film, where Bella first runs like a vampire and the audience is treated to some of the year’s worst CGI. I always complained that the “Twilight” films didn’t have enough going on and the actors were too stoic. Someone obviously heard my complaints, because “Breaking Dawn Part – 2” is the polar opposite. There is too much going on here, plus some ridiculous overacting. Kristen Stewart screams and whines, and she looks just as ridiculous as when she just stares at Robert Pattinson.

AF: Speaking of the actors, there was just no chemistry at all. When the best acting comes from Bella’s father telling Jacob to keep his clothes on, you know something’s just not right. I believe the film was poking fun at the fact that Lautner’s abs brought in half the audience. If he can’t find any work after “Twilight,” he might be able to star in the “Magic Mike” sequel. The film’s only interesting sequence was the fight scene where prissy, sparkly vampires were getting their heads ripped off left and right.

KB: The series finally rewarded all the boyfriends who had to sit through these ordeals. But then it copped out. I agree about the self-awareness; many scenes seemed like they were inside jokes. The camera never stopped rolling, and the film is filled with scenes of the actors just goofing off. The series is really only meant for the fans, and if the box office receipts are any indication, the target audience is ponying up the dough. But “Harry Potter” was able to attract fans and non-fans alike because the stories were strong enough. The “Twilight” films are just flimsy. When you think about it, there is really nothing at stake in this final movie. All these characters bicker over nothing. It’s an exercise in futility.

AF: That’s a perfect way to describe this movie. If nothing else, “Breaking Dawn – Part 2” may just win best comedy of 2012. Without having seen the other movies in the series, I’m already deeming this one the best because it signals the end of something very disturbing. I would rather watch a 24-hour movie marathon of Nicolas Cage than put myself through such hell again. Although fans of the series may be crying at the end of their vampire erotica, the tears coming out of my eyes are of pure joy. Moviegoers who have not seen the series should save their money. Twi-hards, it’s likely you have already seen the movie several times and with that I have only two words: for shame. Last, but not least, Robert Pattinson, I hope you have trouble sleeping tonight because I know I will.