“Her†raises modern relationship questions

By Dylan Frost

If Spike Jonze’s melancholy romance film “Her” teaches the audience anything, it’s that love is often complicated.

Set in the not-so-distant future, “Her” concerns Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix), who deals with extreme emotional anguish during a divorce. Twombly becomes progressively isolated and relies on his operating system (voice by Scarlett Johansson) — much like the iPhone’s Siri — for social support and personal assistance. His device, named Samantha, has a range of humanistic emotions and desires, helping Twombly connect on a personal level.

Although not directly addressed in “Her,” Twombly’s affection for Samantha describes a sexual preference called objectum sexuality or objectophilia. Objectophilia is an orientation assigned to someone who has strong emotional or sexual desires for an inanimate object, and usually just one object.

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Perhaps the most documented objectum-sexual is Erika Eiffel–the woman who married the Eiffel Tower in 2007. Eiffel is from San Francisco but she flew to France to have a marriage ceremony with Paris’s great landmark, inheriting the tower’s name as a result. Eiffel is also a world champion at archery and once was in love with her crossbow, Lance.

It may seem peculiar humans could be in love with inanimate objects, but clinical sexologist Dr. Amy Marsh, of Albany, Calif. said there are several mistaken notions about the objectophilia community.

“Common misconceptions include ideas that the objectum-sexuals are crazy or delusional, sexually traumatized and don’t like people,” Marsh said. “The small group of people I surveyed — 24 English-speaking members of OS (Objectum-Sexuality) Internationale in 2009 — did not show evidence of the above beyond what you’d find in any group.”

Marsh said only two or three people surveyed had past history of sexual trauma, a statistic consistent with the general American population. No one reported diagnoses of delusional psychiatric conditions, she said.

There was one case of Tourette’s syndrome among the group, a few people who reported symptoms of depression, PTSD and anxiety and a fairly high incidence of autism diagnoses or self-diagnosed autism.

Marsh said the idea that objectum-sexuals do not like other people is false.

“OS people generally seem to like other human beings just fine, but not as sexual or romantic partners,” Marsh said. “However, they are also aware of the human proclivity to make fun of their relationships.”

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Marsh’s study began as a self-funded project and was the first of its kind. She was intrigued by the connection between objectum sexuality and autism, leading her to reach out to Eiffel and the rest of the OS Internationale community.

“It was clear, based on the community’s lived experiences, that they were reporting full-blown romantic, affectionate, and in some cases, sexual relationships with their objects,” Marsh said.

While “Her” projects Twombly’s objectum-sexual relationship with Samantha, it also forces the audience to contemplate the expanding technological landscape and how it affects interpersonal relationships.

A Pew Research article released Tuesday — “Couples, the Internet, and Social Media” —detailed the impact technology has in young relationships. The research found that 41 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds in serious relationships feel closer to their partner because of online or text message conversations. 42-percent of cell phone-owning 18- to 29-year-olds in serious relationships said their partner had been distracted by a mobile phone while they were together.

With technological distractions pulling people away from face-to-face communication, importance must be placed on maintaining relationships. Communications professor and saluki debate team director Todd Graham said if a problem were to arise in a relationship, one or both partners might not be aware of it because of inadequate communication.

“I’ve always called relationship maintenance the heavy lifting,” Graham said. “It’s the part that you have to do in order to maintain a relationship.”

Part of this relationship maintenance is making sure both sides put in the effort. Graham said he sits down with his partner every six months to discuss what’s going well and what’s not working so well in their relationship, a talk he calls the State of the Relationships Address.

“It’s a time to sit down and formally talk about important things in your relationship,” Graham said. “We all think we’re doing that, but sometimes we skip out on some of it.”

The address serves as a deal breaker, he said. If the problems cannot be resolved through the interpersonal dialogue, then it might be a call to separate.

The discussions could include serious issues like sex, work, children or finances, but Graham said it is usually day-to-day issues like toilet seat conversations.

And while the communication becomes heavy-hearted at times, affection should be paid forward, he said.

“Important parts also to talk about are the things that you think are going well,” Graham said. “So it’s not just a time to bemoan the other’s flaws, but also to say ‘these are the things that I love about you.’”

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