When buying my morning refreshment in the Student Center Bakery yesterday, I noticed that they still cherished the Halloween spirit, embodied in a single large, uncarved pumpkin, squatting on the doughnut case. It was not prominently displayed, but the discerning observer could see that it was not entirely undecorated it bore one small white sticker, reading, Mariott:Pumpkin, Whole or something of the like, followed by a slew of numbers and a UPC symbol.

Since its usefulness as a decoration had obviously passed, I asked the cashier if I could have it. She grimaced reluctantly. I’ll buy it for a dollar, I suggested hopefully. She became uneasy and replied, Uh…I don’t think so. We’re going to take it back into the kitchen and make pumpkin pie out of it.

I thanked her all the same and left, somewhat perplexed. Now, there are few enough amateur cooks who are dedicated enough to slice and pulp a pumpkin, go to the trouble of gathering the many ingredients and spices to make the filling, mix, and bake them just for the pleasure of a mere two or three homemade pumpkin pies. Most of us have better things to do with our time.

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And I have seen and heard of many strange things in my life, but Mariott staff slaving away in the kitchen making pumpkin pie from a single whole raw pumpkin does not fit in with my world view. I am convinced, although I would be please to be proven wrong here, that the Campus pies are filled from five-gallon cans of factory-made filling, if indeed the pies themselves are not trucked in from the Mariott Dessert Pie Industrial Complex in Fresno, California.

Sadly, Mariott missed the boat on this one. They passed up the opportunity to sell this pumpkin for a dollar. Instead, I’ll pull that very pumpkin out of the dumpster in a few days and not pay a cent for it. I will have my pie and eat it too. Great country, isn’t it.