Pretend for a moment that you are the owner of one of Carbondale’s fine and amiable towing companies a difficult feat, I would assume, for those of you out there with a soul.

Pretend that the law of the land states that there now exists a price cap, a glass ceiling of sorts that keeps you from charging more than a designated amount for various services.

Now, as a servant of the devil, it is your job to suck as much money from the community as you can before you go to hell. However, as a responsible business-person, you must adhere to the law. You promise not to charge any amount over the designated price cap. Still, you must make money.

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You, friend, have a dilemma.

But then you’re inspired! If you can no longer charge a ridiculous sum for each towing, you’ll just have to tow more vehicles! You’ll tell your drivers to become even more parasitic and vulturesque, to be even pushier, more hostile and rude.

Now, maybe I’m being a bit silly here. I sincerely doubt that all of the tow truck company owners have actually made pacts with the devil, and a few probably even have souls. Dark souls, but souls nonetheless.

I’ll even go so far as to say that the business they are in is not inherently evil. After all, it is we who are breaking the law with our wanton and renegade illegal parking. In an imperfect society such as ours, there exists a niche for tow truck drivers, just as there exists a niche for hockey players and smart aleck college newspaper columnists.

However, the fact is, a $55 towing cap might sound like a step in the right direction, but it is still ridiculously high for the service being performed. As it is, the vast majority of college students simply can’t afford it.

Also, like I pointed out, it solves nothing. Now, the tow truck drivers need to simply become more aggressive, if this is humanly possible.

The problem with the tow truck drivers was never really the charge for the tow, as ludicrous as it might have been. It could have been $10, and the problem would still exist. The problem lies in the fact that one can enter a building for five minutes to drop off an assignment or whatnot, and can come out to see his/her vehicle being pulled down the road like a wounded animal. No warning, just action. This might be legal, but it isn’t particularly moral.

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In a non-emergency situation, why can’t the car simply be ticketed, especially for first-time offenders? Couldn’t the trucks be equipped with insanely loud horns that would warn anyone in the vicinity that a car is about to be towed, thus invoking everyone in the surrounding area to look out their windows to see if it is their vehicle about to be harassed? The victim could then at least hand the driver $20 for the car right there, instead of spending $55 and having to deal with the incredible pain of finding someone to drive him or her to the car jail to pick up the vehicle.

All of this is possible, of course and in my humble opinion it makes perfect sense. But, it won’t happen because the tow truck companies would lose money, thus forcing a few of them to close up shop and look for a more noble occupation, such as Carbondale Landlord.

One last point. Maybe I’m off-base, but it seems to me that Carbondale is not a remarkably large community. We do have a certain amount of crime, some of it considerably more vile than illegal parking, but it isn’t out of control at least not yet. But on any given day, I might see three to four different tow trucks from three to four different tow truck companies. Is this necessary? Could someone enlighten me?

I’ll admit, I’m not from around here, but it seems that four different tow truck companies might be a bit ridiculous for a community this size. It’s no wonder they go to such extremes to tow a vehicle. I’m no fan of government intervention into the marketplace, but I think that this is one limb of capitalism that could stand a little pruning.