The purpose of the following dictionary is to familiarize the typical reader with terms that have taken on new meanings under the felonious stewardship of President Bill Clinton.

The Clinton Political and Legal Lexicon:Advice and Consent, 1. the power vested in the United States Senate by the Constitution to give its advice and consent to approve presidential nominations. 2. the defense used by the president’s lawyers, claiming he gave various women advice, and they consented. See also the Consenting Adults Defense.

Appointment Power, the authority vested in the President to fill a vacancy in a governmental office or position; e.g., the First Lady has been disappointed with several of the vacancies the president has filled.

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Bill, 1. a legislative proposal that must be voted on before it becomes a law. 2, a lecherous, skirt-chasing liar.

Cooling-Off Period, 1., a period of time, stipulated by the Taft-Hartley Act of 1947, during which parties to a labor-management dispute may not engage in a strike or lockout. 2. a period of time in which heat from the special prosecutor’s office force the president to cool off all relations in the oval office. 3. the period of time beginning shortly after the president and first lady’s honeymoon.

Criminal Law, the branch of law that has jurisdiction over White House activities.

Ethics in Government, a principle that theoretically applies to all branches of government but has been generally disregarded in the Executive.

Equal Protection of the Law, the constitutional requirement that women and blacks receive equal treatment to white males. A protection not enjoyed by low-income females who make the mistake of involving themselves with the feminist president. See also, Feminist Hypocrisy and PC Double Standard.

Fair Employment Practices, laws that forbid private and/or public sector employers from discriminating in hiring or other personnel policies on the grounds of race, color, creed, national origin or willingness to service the presidential libido.

Fine, 1. a sum of money paid as a penalty for an illegal act. 2. a presidential quip signaling approval of White House interns.

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Good Behavior, the term used in Article III of the constitution to indicate federal judges are to hold their offices during good behavior. It has no application to the Executive Branch, hence the complete lack of good behavior.

Habeas Corpus, a court order meaning literally, you have the body. It has also reportedly the pick-up line the president uses to ensnare his women.

The Left, the political orientation of those who advocate the expanded role of government. Paula Jones has apparently insisted under oath that one of the distinguishing characteristics of the president is that he leans to the left. See also Presidential Pole and Peter Principle.

Laissez-Faire, a theory basic to the principles of capitalism that calls for a hands-off approach by the government. Not advocated by the current president, who favors a much more hands-on approach.

Lie, v.t. to bring, put, accomplish, etc. by lying; e.g., he lied himself into office.

Lie, v.i.; lay, pt. 1. to be or place oneself in a horizontal or nearly horizontal position. 2. to be or remain in specified conditions; as to lie at the mercy of the special prosecutor, or to lie down on the job.

Monroe Doctrine, the declaration made by President Clinton that if Kennedy had Marilyn Monroe, he should get Lewinski. See also Jones Doctrine and Flowers Doctrine.

Patronage, the power to make partisan appointments to offices or to confer jobs and special favors in return for jobs and favors.

Peter Principle, 1. the propositions a man tends to be promoted until he reaches his level of incompetence. 2. the focal point of Paula Jones’ case against President Clinton. See also Smoking Gun, Short Ballot, Small Claims Court, Stump, Lame Duck, Presidential Timber and the Left.

Police Power, the authority of Arkansas state troopers to detain young women and shuttle them into gubernatorial court. See also Shuttle Diplomacy.

Presidential Inflation, 1. demand-pull, when a president demands too much from an intern, and then tries to pull the wool over the nation’s eyes. 2. cost-push, when the president fails to calculate the cost of his actions but pushes for them anyway.

Public Debt, debt the president owes the public for their toleration of him.

Segregation, the process by which Arkansas state troopers separate blondes from brunettes.

Session, 1. the period during which a legislative body assembles and carries on its regular business. 2. the period during which the president assembles and gives someone the business.

Special Session, a session which is particularly gratifying for the president.

Trailer-Trash, a term of disparagement Clinton supporters use to discredit low-income female victims of gubernatorial lechery. See also War on Poverty, Politically-Correct Double Talk.

Vice President, the second highest executive officer in the United States, whose political career is often doomed by the sleaziness of his boss.