The United States is by far one of the most overweight countries in the world. If we weren’t, why would President Bush have a campaign against obesity?

We are a nation of indulgence. We have, so we take and it is just sickening. Today’s society is too convenient, from TV remotes to riding lawnmowers. Fitness is taking a backseat to ease of use.

In my opinion, fat people are evil, evil right down to their cold little hearts that pump not blood, like yours and mine, but rather a thick gooey ooze called cholesterol.

You may ask how I have the audacity to talk about fat people. Quite simply, I am one of them.

I often wonder why I don’t take advantage of the Recreation Center or just go for a jog and I can’t think of one good reason. Hey, I’m just lazy.

God forbid I talk about something and not have a solution. I want everyone to be healthy and happy, so I thought about having a contest or rather, a challenge.

My idea is this:From now until February 20, 2003, go work out, run, swim, ride a bike, have your friend chase you with a car. The person who reduces their body fat the most will receive $300 from my pocket.

What better incentive do you need to lose weight? You get in shape and I give you money. If you can’t get to the gym with an offer like that, then you must not care about your health. I’m guessing if you are still reading this you must be interested.

Ok, this is how we will get this established. Call me, write me, e-mail me. If enough people respond to this challenge, this call, this cry for a healthier student body, then I will try to legitimize this through health services.

All you have to do is work out until Feb. 20 and you may be the one who wins. Believe me, I am all for people living their lives the way they want but there comes a time when body mass gets to be insane.

It’s horrible when taking the elevator to the second floor is more feasible than taking the stairs. So I hear people say, “Hey, I am diabetic; I can’t help it.” B.S. – those same diabetic people are in line at McDonald’s getting a super-sized value meal with a diet coke. I know the diet coke has no sugar but the fries are nothing but starch and carbohydrates that break down into sugars, so don’t tell me that crap.

I love you, SIU, so let’s all get fit together. If you don’t want to do it for your self-esteem or your health, then do it for your family. You know, the people who love you. Don’t have them find out you died of a heart attack or some other fat-related illness.

Don’t think I am only talking about fat girls; this is open to guys too, so don’t get this misunderstood.

Here’s a little hint to let you know if you need to get in on this:If your butt looks like a bag of rocks, then this is for you. If your stomach and your butt look alike, then this is for you. If your neck and chin blend together, then this is for you. If you have to walk around yourself, then this is for you. If you have the ability to turn cotton into spandex, sign up.

As a closing note, if you decide not to participate in my contest, just remember, spandex was made for bikers. I know; “If they didn’t want me to wear it, then why did they make it in my size?”

Simple. It’s not your size, no matter how much of your body you squeeze in it; it’s not made for you.