Dear Editor:Is the Sleepytown Whirligig 2000 accessible? My neighbor Cletus Cowpie says the Sleepytown Whirligig 2000 does not comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act. Confined to a wheelchair, Cowpie says he can’t keep his wheels between the lines. Located at 911 1/2 S. Illinois Avenue, inches from the dumpsters of nearby eateries, the maze occupies a concrete slab that originally served as the floor of Synergy. Once a geodesic dome with curved walls, some people suffered motion sickness upon entering Synergy. After many years service as a crash pad for the communities overdosed youth, the structure finally collapsed when a freight train sped out of town. The remnant long went unnoticed, an innocuous piece of stone in the grass. One morning Sleepytown awoke to a miracle. Creatures with buckets of hocus-pocus paint had visited the insipid plate. Claims for the derangement have been extraordinary ever since! Reports of insight, illumination and other ethereal phenomena abound. It is said that treading on the convolution will promote “spiritual” growth. Mr. Cowpie tries to follow the path but since his wheels are always outside the lines he doesn’t experience anything. The quadriplegic is considering a remedy. Cowpie believes the ADA applies to all cases of denied access. Not just rational ones.

When reached for comment, Crystal Blue Persuasion of the Carbondale Labyrinth Astral Projection Trip Routing Associates Partnership (CLAPTRAP) demurred. She said she never heard of Sleepytown and hung up the phone.

P.S. Cletus Cowpie is my friend Joe. He spends his life in a wheelchair. He proofread for the Pana (Ill.) News-Palladium so he reviews most of my submissions. He was also a Crisis Counselor at Synergy when it was operational. We paid a nostalgic visit to the Whirligig site and discovered the accessibility problem.

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(618.529.3268) – have yet to get ahold of him.