I could never be on Road Rules. I can’t imagine how it would feel to be locked in a small room with the same people everyday. The same faces and attitudes would surround me 24 hours a day. I would lie around the RV with my headphones on as I daydreamed about jumping from the moving vehicle and running far away from the monotony.

That’s pretty much what being gay in Carbondale can feel like.

I don’t have any good gay friends in Carbondale. Sure, there are a couple of guys I kind of know and enjoy hanging out with when we get a chance. I’m lacking specifically in the buddy category. You know, someone I can call up when I’m bored and invite over to enjoy some cheap beer and cards as we watch men’s gymnastics with pillows over our laps.

Advertisement

My circle of straight friends doesn’t always understand this need to be around other homosexuals. Honestly, neither do I. The best way I can describe it is to have them imagine what it’s like being the only straight person in a group. Sure, everyone gets along and has great times together, but at some point they might want to be around another breeder.

This last weekend, as with many others in the past, I felt the need to remind myself that I’m gay by being around other gays. My last minute choices were few. I could have gone to the coffee shop, but I can read a book at home. I could have signed on to the Southern Illinois gay chat room, but I really don’t enjoy shooting down dirty old men anymore.

Finally, I went with my last bastion:a gay bar. Why not? It was late, and I have a strong appreciation for alcohol.

With the exception of a small group of people I had the pleasure of meeting, I found the exact same faces and music as the last time I visited. I’ve been out and about long enough to know that a repetitive gay scene is just asking for trouble. People get used to their roles and get caught up in the daily production of Gays of Our Lives, a show I want no part of.

I ended up blowing off a lot of steam and having a great time. I know, however, that if I regularly partake in the limited choices Carbondale has to offer, I will find myself just as claustrophobic as I do now.

I know straight people have suffered the mundane Carbondale life from time to time, but they are 90 percent of the population. They don’t feel nearly as trapped as I do because they, as the majority, have much greater parameters where heterosexuality isn’t a factor in social scenes.

Of course, it’s easy for me to rant on and offer no solutions. Normally, I would say I’m a creative guy filled with new ideas. Unfortunately, I’ve used up my muse on discovering new ways to mix tequila without wanting to spit it up (Trust me, all acceptable tequila-based drink formulas have already been discovered).

Advertisement*

For now, I accept defeat. But as soon as I’m done writing out sympathy cards for the Road Rules cast, I’ll figure it out.