Four Daily Egyptian writers set out on a quest to find the best hot wings in Carbondale armed with a hunger for chicken, wetnaps and a pack of roliads

The job was an ominous one:Produce a comprehensive survey of every locally owned hot wing-serving establishment within the city limits of Carbondale.

The testers were equally ominous. They were a ragtag group of self-proclaimed hot wing aficionados of the Daily Egyptian and The Pulse:Managing Editor Andy Horonzy, Sports Editor Adam Soebbing, Pulse Editor Jared DuBach, City Editor Zack Creglow and myself, Jason Sereno. I love chicken.

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First, we had to set the criteria. What would the wings be judged on, and who would pay? Ultimately, all of us would, both monetarily and internally. After 12 hot wing meals in three days, we would have ulcers lodged deeply in our stomachs as 400-yard tee shots become deeply lodged in sand traps. Still, we had an assignment.

The wings would be based on five categories:Appearance, overall flavor, hotness, spiciness and quality of chicken.

Appearance was judged on the overall presentation of the wings, how delectable they looked and how much time, thought and originality went into the manifestation and arrangement of the meal.

Overall flavor means just what it says. In this category, the judges voted on the total taste of the wing. Of course, everyone has their own opinions – that’s why we had five judges.

Hotness incorporated the “sweat factor” of the wings. The more sweat produced and water digested, the higher the score. This was my specialty – I’m a sweater.

The spiciness category embodies the “kick” of the wings and the quality of spices used to make them “kick.” Spiciness represented a separate category from hotness in our survey because several wings were hot while not being spicy and vice versa.

Quality of chicken involved the meat and skin of the poultry. This category deals purely with juiciness, texture and volume of the wings. Points were deducted independently on dryness, fattiness and skimpiness.

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We had our criteria and were ready to go. To make matters more simple and scientific, we would only ask the server or bartender at each establishment the following:”Can I get an order of hot wings?”

What they brought us was what we reviewed. The following is a brief summary of the events that took place during the three-day hot wing binge.

The first place we went to was Mugsy McGuire’s, located at 1620 W. Main St. They were solid wings, not too overly hot or spicy, with a very nice meat and flavor.

The wings were mild enough that I hadn’t started sweating yet. This was a good sign, although I was worried about Creglow. He talked a big game, but something told me he would be unable to go on at some point during this test of endurance.

Next on the agenda was the Mississippi Flyway, 1925 W. Main St. To be honest, the first thing we smelled walking in was booze. “Man, it smells like straight liquor in here,” Soebbing said. But this was an assignment. And we were journalists.

The Flyway wings had great flavor and meat. Soebbing compared the wings to “Lil’ KFCs,” but I would hold them in a higher regard. We thought the price was a little high, but they were definitely prize wings. The waitress brought us a side of homemade honey mustard sauce that we thought was peculiar at first, but turned out to be quite good.

Big Boy’s Q’n, 104 W. Jackson St. had by far the largest wings out of any restaurant we reviewed and some of the hottest. The wings scored very high in each one of our categories.

When we saw the special board read 30 cents a wing, we were delighted. When the bill came, the total was $4.99 for the dozen. We learned the price was more because we didn’t buy a drink – oh, the weary life of a journalist.

By the time we reached Tres Hombres, 119 N. Washington St., sweat was starting to form on the top of my head. The wings from Big Boy’s Q’n were starting to get to me. Luckily, the air conditioner was working extremely well inside the Mexican food restaurant.

To be honest, we were all sort of skeptical about eating hot wings at a restaurant that served south of the border style food, but we kept our minds and our mouths open.

It was a good thing we did, too, because the wings at Tres were not only the hottest, but also the overall spiciest and tastiest of the wings we sampled. They also gave us a magnificent arrangement of celery and carrots.

We lost Creglow. He whined before we left and said his stomach was too upset for him to continue and DuBach kicked him off the assignment. There was no turning back now. We had a job to do.

Our first wings of the day were from Pinch Penny Pub, 700 E. Grand Ave. Pinch’s wings were by far the sloppiest of the wings we evaluated. We used more napkins eating them than at any other establishment.

The hot sauce was not as traditional as the other places we visited. Pinch’s mixture is based in barbeque sauce, which gives it a unique flavor. The wings were also served on corn chips, which was another interesting addition.

We thought Larry’s Pit BBQ, located at1181 Rendleman Road, had the best presentation among all the establishments we visited. The overall quality of the chicken and its taste were also quite good, but it was neither very hot, nor spicy.

Harold’s Wing House, 611 Illinois Ave. Suite B, is the new kid on the block in the Carbondale wing scene, and with wings like these, they just might take the city by storm. We all thought the wings tasted fantastic overall, but we were mixed on the presentation. Harold’s serves the wings on top of French fries and two pieces of bread. One slice was white and the other slice was wheat.

I personally took points off because the wings were not totally engulfed in sauce, but it made me perspire incredibly. DuBach enjoyed the bread thing because, to him, it represented racial unity through food.

Next, we walked down the street to Chicago Hot Dogs & Shrimp, 603 S. Illinois Ave., to sample its wings. Here, your poultry is served with McDonald’s-like French fries. The taste, flavor and overall chicken quality were impressive, but once again we were barely drinking our water. Horonzy liked the hot wings, but didn’t think they were zesty enough. “About a three on the sweat-o-meter,” he said.

I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle the journey anymore. The other judges were feeling it too. This was the last day of our hot wing marathon. Soon, it would all be over.

When we saw the wings from Murphy’s Bar & Grill, 501 E. Walnut St., for the first time, they looked almost nuclear. Their bright neon orange glow shined like a crashed spaceship. DuBach and I especially liked the overall flavor of these wings. They definitely did the trick.

We all thought Key West, 1108 W. Main St., had some seriously spicy wings. The wings’ appearance and overall flavor was above par. They also offered more celery than any other place we visited. Kudos are in order for that.

We were excited on the drive to Callahan’s Irish Pub, 760 E. Grand Ave., because we heard the place had great food. The wings at Callahan’s were very similar to Pinch in chicken tenderness and texture. We liked them, but they did not totally test our taste buds.

There is nothing more desperate than a man on a three-day hot wing-eating binge. By the time we arrived at Pagliai’s Pizza & Pasta, 515 S. Illinois Ave., we were all hurting. DuBach had to carry Soebbing because the sports editor could no longer walk on his own power. Horonzy couldn’t breathe, and I was drenched from head to toe.

Much to our delight, the Pagliai’s hot wings were not very hot at all. We agreed the chicken tasted more like it came from a rotisserie, which was not a bad thing, but not what we expected. I still continued to sweat, but only out of habit.

So that was our first attempt at mass-judging food. We ate dozens of good wings here in Carbondale, but we all decided it would be a long time before any of us eat hot wings again. We are all currently recovering from the last three days, although no one has heard from Creglow yet.