My Way or the Highway

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! May your bank accounts become diminished and your derrieres become huge with excess chocolate gorging.

You may be asking yourself why we have this crazy holiday in the first place. By chance you were asking yourself that question, you have turned to the right place.

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Valentine’s Day began about the year 270 AD with a roman bishop named – you guessed it – St. Valentine. During this time, the Roman Emperor Claudius II had issued an edict forbidding marriage. The Romans had a little practice each year where the young men would draw a woman from the town’s name out of a box and they were then stuck together for a year. Guess you were out of luck if you ended up with the Roman version of Urkel.

Rome was in a pretty bad state and nearing the fall. The empire had grown too fast and basically was causing strife with in its own boundaries. This meant there was a great need for soldiers.

Claudius thought married men with families were too wimpy and cared too much for their family to be good soldiers, so he banned marriage.

This threw the young into great distress. Insert St. Valentine here. The bishop Valentine had the couples meet him in private places and married them. Claudius heard about it and had Valentine arrested and later executed.

Before he was executed, he healed a blind girl and sent her a note “From your Valentine.” The holiday was passed through Christianity and has become a tradition in many cultures. More Valentine information can be found at holidayspot.com.

Another Web site said Valentine’s Day meant the first day of birds mating. Could be, but I don’t suspect that happening around here just yet.

So where do the chocolate and roses come in? If you ask me, I would say marketing, but I am cynical.

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A single red rose means love, pink means “thank you,” yellow means friendship and black means death. I stumbled upon a few chocolate-freak-type sites when looking up info on why we buy so much of the sweet stuff for Valentine’s Day, but nothing appeared except obsessions. I think I was right about the marketing scheme.

I am sure Bridget Jones would hate this holiday if she were a real person. Many people probably agree this holiday is silly.

For the singles out there, this holiday is nothing but a nightmare. I probably am digging the knife a little deeper, and I apologize, but I have been there before. You wake up, watch people get presents all day long and then have to hear about it again the next day or until the flowers rot.

But for you “singleton” (Bridget Jones), screw it. Love your friends, love your family, love being you. My advice:Go buy a box of chocolates, rent a movie and hang out with friends. Valentine’s Day isn’t just for lovers – let the people in your life know you appreciate them!