“88 Minutes”

Rated: R

Starring: Al Pacino, Alicia Witt, Leelee Sobieski

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Directed by Jon Avnet

Runtime: 108 minutes

1 star out of 5

There have been worse films released this year than “88 Minutes” and there are likely to be worse films still coming down the turnpike. However, it’s unlikely that any of them are going to be as hilariously bad as “88 Minutes” and none of them will star a once great actor who is in desperate need of a payday.

Al Pacino is about the only saving grace of “88 Minutes” which is one of the dumbest thrillers to be released in quite some time. It has been sitting on the shelf at Tristar for nearly a year and they should have made the wiser choice to just dump it on video and move on.

Pacino plays Jack Gramm, a college professor and forensic psychiatrist (now there’s a job description) who spends most of his time hitting on girls, drinking and making merriment. Gramm has just put away John Forster, a man who is now on death row based on entirely circumstantial evidence given by Gramm. But lo and behold, a copycat killer is on the loose, aptly named The Seattle Slayer (feel the creativity oozing from the screenplay?). As Gramm is walking across his campus, he gets the phone call that tells him he has 88 minutes to live. For the next 88 minutes, Gramm fights for his life and tries to figure out who the killer is even as he is clearly being framed for the slayings.

From the opening scene, it’s clear the movie is going nowhere fast and Pacino is going to be our guide through the madness. It’s difficult to talk about “88 Minutes” without feverishly ranting about its poor quality, so hopefully this all makes sense.

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Remember that episode of “The Simpsons” that contained a dog with shifty eyes? If that dog had appeared in “88 Minutes,” it would have made complete sense. Everyone in this movie is a suspect and everyone spends most of the movie staring ominously at Gramm, because the writer desperately doesn’t want us to know the truth until the end. Of course, director Jon Avnet includes a really obvious shot about 10 minutes into the film that reveals the killer to anyone with a brain. Even the director seems to be rebelling against the awfulness of the material.

Worse still is the number of holes the screenplay has, like the fact that the killer can be in four places at once, and the misogynistic slant revealed in the slaying of young naked women who are hung upside down. Gramm’s assistant is a lesbian merely so she can betray him with her lesbianism at a crucial moment – real classy. Come to think of it, most of the characters are only there to serve the plot. Gramm’s assistant teacher (Alicia Witt) pretty much follows him around and asks really stupid questions the whole time so the audience can get the whole movie force fed to them.

It helps that Pacino is here to ease the pain, since this movie would not have gotten a theatrical release without him. He’s watchable even at his most slummy, so he gets a pass here. Deborah Kara Unger, Witt and Ben McKenzie do what they can with the lines, which means reading them without bursting into laughter. The unforgivable performance award goes to Leelee Sobieski, who is so laughably bad as one of the female students it’s a miracle the performance made the final cut. Her enunciations during her final scene are the stuff of legend.

In case you couldn’t tell, “88 Minutes” is horrid, a movie that barely passes as entertainment unless viewed as a comedy. The most frightening thing is that Jon Avnet is directing the upcoming Deniro/Pacino film “Righteous Kill.” Hopefully that movie isn’t anywhere near as bad as this one.

Wes Lawson can be reached at 536-3311 ext. 275 or [email protected].