Well, the world didn’t end Wednesday, despite claims that it might.

Deep beneath the mountains of Europe, near the border of France and Switzerland, a lot more is happening than making delicious chocolate and fancy cheeses. The world’s largest Hadron Collider is powering up to begin slamming particles into each other some six weeks from now.

Like many major achievements in science, most of us will be left in the dark as to the importance of any advances made by this machine until it makes our cell phones fancier or our TVs slimmer. Even then, we’ll just shell out the cash without thinking about the research that went into making the details of Optimus Prime look so spectacular.

I barely grasp the concept of the machine myself, except that scientists hope to find the particle responsible for giving matter mass, the Higgs boson. I’d try to explain more, but that would probably bring the wrath of the physics department.

But the potential of this machine is pretty amazing. There are possibilities that scientists may even find other dimensions.

So, as scientists prepare to smash those particles together, I’d like to offer some advice.

Dimension X

As doorways to multiple dimensions open, I’m sure they will be named or categorized in a mundane matter, such as simple letters. When we’re on the verge of breaching Dimension X, power that collider down.

Dimension X is the home of Krang, an evil mastermind bent on taking over Earth. Now, should Krang be transported into our world, he would most likely lose his physical body and come out as just a brain with a mouth, eyes and little tentacle arms.

Don’t be fooled! He’s still devious and dangerous. He will immediately build a formidable robot body and may even bring the Technodrome, a devastating war machine, through to the Earth.

So beware of Dimension X.

Time Travel

Any time there are particles, high speeds, enormous energy releases and the possibilities of forming miniature black holes there will almost certainly be rifts in the space-time continuum.

Hopefully these rifts will go backward and not forward. If the gateway goes back in time we should be able to handle it. Sure, Napoleon’s army or a caveman might step through the rift, but our current technology could handle that.

But if the rift goes forward we might have an issue. The rift might allow a highly advanced robot bent on slaughtering humans to come back and kill weak children before they become meddling adults. It may even be made out of liquid metal and be capable of changing forms.

It’d be practically invulnerable, and able to disguise itself as a policeman. We’d be up a creek, unless the robot were somehow led to California.

Just keep the time rifts going backward please.

Magic Realms

Lastly, the new dimensions might contain wizards, orcs, dragons and all sorts of darkly magical beings. This could lead to some fantastic adventures that an entire generation of gamers has been preparing for, but one thing is certain, the dark beings won’t be susceptible to our conventional weapons.

Guns and bombs will be obsolete. We’ll need swords and arrows, preferably endowed with magic or at least made of silver or iron.

Silver is widely known as a pure metal capable of dissipating evil spells, and iron and lead usually cancel magic effects. For the mystics, we’ll need to seek out medicine men, shamans and monks, bring them away from their mountain monasteries and post them in defensive stations around the Hadron Collider.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea to have Viggo Mortensen, a.k.a. Aragon, on call either.

So, with those things in mind, let the colliding begin.

Wenger is a senior studying journalism and Spanish.