The 60th Annual Emmy Awards were on last night and … oh, sorry everyone, I didn’t mean to put you to sleep. Here’s a cup of coffee.

Anyhow, the fact that “Mad Men” and “30 Rock” won the night was pretty much viewed by everyone as ironic, because both shows have great critical backing and very small audiences. The same could be said for the award show itself, which scored one of its smallest audiences in the history of the telecast.

Critics ripped this year’s show to shreds, saying it was too long, boring and relatively unfunny – just like every sitcom that’s not “30 Rock” or “The Office”!

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The thing is, the problem isn’t just with the Emmys. Most award shows, including the Tonys, the Grammys and the almighty Oscars, have been dropping viewership fast, and network execs are wondering where the audiences are going.

It’s not a problem with the viewers. It’s a problem with the shows themselves. They are long, boring and self-serving. During an average three-hour telecast of an awards show, there are maybe ten minutes of material that is worthwhile, such as Martin Scorsese winning an Oscar or Kanye West going nuts on a microphone.

But don’t worry, TV people, because I’m here to give you four simple tips on how to bring your audiences back. Get a pen and paper ready.

1.Follow MTV’s example. Sure, the channel may be more known for craptastic reality shows than music, but their longest award show, the Video Music Awards, rarely tops three hours. The Movie Awards are always two, and every other award show they do never goes longer than that. Very few people want to sit and watch a four-hour movie in one sitting, so why watch a four-hour award show? Cut the excess fat.

2.Don’t telecast the awards no one cares about. YouTube is a marvelous thing. Wouldn’t it be great if the winners for “Best Supporting Supporting Actor On A Show After 11 PM On Fridays” still got to do their acceptance speeches, but in a way that keeps the proceedings from dragging on forever? Make their acceptance speeches available online so they still get their credit, but don’t show them during the telecast.

3.Hire Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert to host everything. And if not them, Russell Brand. They bring the comedy and keep the proceedings light, while dishing out delightful barbs. And with Brand, you never know what you’ll get. It’s awesome.

4.Let average people get tickets for free. Richard Roeper proposed this idea a couple years ago for the Oscars, and I think it should apply to all award shows. Why not let the people who actually support these artists come to show their support and not have to fork out lots of dough for tickets? Have a raffle every year and fill the nosebleeds with people who watch TV in regular houses, in regular towns. I guarantee the cheers will be louder and the mood will be more fun.

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That’s my little viewpoint. I accept cash and checks made out in my name. Awards show people, the ball is in your court.

Wes Lawson can be reached at 536-3311 ext. 275 or [email protected].