Looking at sports traditions
January 21, 2009
A new president was inaugurated Tuesday, and he happens to be the first African-American president in the history of the United States. I do not have to tell you how inspiring and historical this is. You already know.
Events like this get me thinking about the history and tradition that serves as the foundation to just about everything we do. For the next four to eight years, the players of teams that win championships will be visiting this country’s first black president, which I am sure will not be lost on them.
And I’m sure President Barack Obama would like to see the Chicago White Sox, his favorite team, visit him after winning a World Series. The chances of this happening would be better if Obama would only accept the Sox’s invitation to throw out the first pitch at Opening Day on the condition outfielder Jermaine Dye is traded. Trust me, Kenny Williams still has a chance to get something of value for Dye after he bounced back in 2008. It would be like when I was in high school and my teachers would forget to collect a homework assignment I forgot to do. And MLB general managers shouldn’t take after me, because I would still not do the assignment.
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That tradition of championship winning teams visiting the White House is one of my favorite sports traditions because it’s been going on for so long and I do not even know how it started. Same thing with why Red Sox fans sing ‘Sweet Caroline’ in the middle of the eighth inning of every game ‘- it has been going on a long time, I can not tell you why the tradition started, but I know I would be disappointed if they stopped.
The traditions in sports are not all good. For example, did you know that Kurt Warner bagged groceries before he signed with the Rams? Yeah, it’s true. Good thing the Rams called too, because he got fired from the job after he punched a customer in the mouth at work.
OK, I made that last part up. But this is a bad sports tradition, that whenever possible, it must be mentioned that Warner worked as a grocery bagger before signing with the Rams.
So I present to you a list of good and bad sports traditions, in no particular order …
The Good
‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ Nationally televised games on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am one of those people who think the Lions and Cowboys should always play on Thanksgiving, no matter how bad they are. Just don’t involve the Cardinals again. Somehow they will still get blown out even in the season they make the Super Bowl. It figures.
‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ Old-school sports songs, like ‘Bear Down, Chicago Bears’ and ‘Go Cubs Go.’ I’m a White Sox fan and I know most of the words to ‘Go Cubs Go,’ which I’m not too proud of. I can’t help but sing along when I hear it, kind of like when the robot Bender from ‘Futurama’ automatically sings folk songs whenever a magnet is attached to him. This does not mean that I secretly want to be a Cubs fan, like Bender secretly desires to be a folk singer.
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‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ The Cubs not winning the World Series. It is one of the longest running traditions in sports ‘- going on 101 years! Sorry, I was getting a little testy the more I thought about how I know the words to ‘Go Cubs Go.’ Cheap shot, I know.
The Bad
‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ Throwing back an away team’s home run ball. I just don’t get it. How can anyone, like a particular Twins fan from last year, actually think, I caught this Ken Griffey Jr. home run ball, but he hit it for the other team, so I don’t want it! I have a better idea. Wait until that player whose home run ball you caught takes the field again, and throw a nine-volt battery at him. That will show him.
‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ Video game companies buying exclusive rights from the leagues to make licensed video games. EA Sports did this first so ‘Madden’ would be the only licensed NFL game, paying the NFL more to eliminate the competition. In response, 2K Sports made a deal with Major League Baseball so only they and the console manufacturers could make an MLB game. MVP Baseball 2005 is, without question, the best baseball video game ever made, and there has not been a new major league installment of MVP Baseball for four years now. Living in the future stinks sometimes.
‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ Those awkward 5-Hour Energy commercials with an athlete’s endorsement. The two I have in mind feature Osi Umenyiora and Braylon Edwards. My guess is the 5-Hour Energy people show up where these players workout with no script and a bag of cash with a dollar sign on it and tell the player that the bag of money is theirs if they hold up a bottle of 5-Hour Energy and say good things about it.
‘bull;’ ‘ ‘ The yearly debate about whether the NCAA should institute playoffs for football. Our new president said he plans to do something about this, but I really hope he doesn’t expend too much energy on this ‘- you know, he might have more important things to worry about than college football. Heck, even I have more important things to worry about than college football. But the simple solution is to keep the same sponsors for each game of an eight-team playoff. That way, everyone is happy. That is the solution the president should pitch.
Now, if Obama wants to make me happy, he will abolish some of the bad sports traditions I have listed.
No pressure, sir. I forgot to vote. And by ‘I forgot to vote,’ I mean, ‘I was too lazy to register to vote.’
Seriously though, Tuesday was a great day for our country.
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