Dear young people:

By now it has probably come to your attention this is going to be an awesome weekend.  Chancellor Rita Cheng would not send you a personal note imploring you to not injure yourself if there wasn’t some kind of serious fun to be had.

And let me tell you, my young friends: Drinking outside during the day is fun.

But this is not just another drinking party. This is a Polar Bear drinking party.  The ability to casually hang out in the bracing January air drinking for hours on end without losing your game is what separates the babies from the grown-ups. Are you tough? Are you strong? Do you have it together? Prove it.

A good daytime drunk is a different animal than nighttime boozing.  It’s happy. It’s mellow. It’s sophisticated and clever, and it’s supposed to last all day.  You are in it for the duration.  Getting wasted means you’re a loser (and since it’s daytime, everybody can see you losing it.) Nobody wants to take care of you, and you’ll be too sacked to go out partying that night.

The science on how not to be lame on Polar Bear:

– Dress warm.  Booze makes your capillaries close down and you are more prone to frostbite.  You‘ll be standing on cement.  Warm and comfy shoes, thick socks, hat, gloves and thermals will keep you comfortable enough to keep drinking. Shivering people are weak and unsexy and can’t drink for very long.

– Winter air is very dry. Don’t get dehydrated. Water keeps your skin smooth and your lips kissable.

– Don’t drink too fast. Cheng’s advice to alternate alcohol with water or soda isn’t lame at all. I promise you, you will still feel buzzed.  Alternating drinks will let you drink longer. That’s the whole point.

– Eat something.  It’s the middle of the afternoon. Aren’t you hungry?  Hot drinks and spicy foods help keep you warm from the inside out.  You are surrounded by delicious snacks!  Get some!

– Make sure to get yourself home.  If this event is new to you, don’t try it alone.  Go with trusted friends, take a taxi or walk.

And hey, passing out drunk by 3 p.m. and not being able to go out that night is not fun. Getting arrested is not fun.  Paying for your own E.R. bill so your parents don’t find out you almost killed yourself is not fun.

Make sure to have fun.  Plan your drinking.

Priscilla R. Pimentel

Digital Imaging Specialist I at the Center for Teaching Excellence